GUIDING EFFORT

GUIDING EFFORT

I tipped a layer of the window blind with my index finger and stared downstairs through the glass window - looking at the things I couldn’t do. I could see men and the gods of freedom from where I was standing yet I couldn’t speak with either of the groups. Two trees kept us; me and my fantasies, away. The grassland also gave the compound some fitting look too, making me look like a prisoner. The gate is lowered and some curly steel is used to keep the yard secured. From my window, I could see my future; a freedom never ending.

I moved back a little trying to lean on the wall when his picture popped into my mind. That was it – the sole reason for my restlessness. I had sworn not to have any much to do with Dukuma than living on the same planet with him. He had defiled my first visit to his place and now the result was a confided room.

It was on a Wednesday evening, while taking the pedestrian lane to the market – I heard my name from a distant. ‘It’s surely going to be someone that knows me’ – I said to myself. It was him, Dukuma, the same nightmare I had avoided with a bottle of olive oil at the head of my bed. ‘I wouldn’t speak to him’ – my second mind tilted. Although still handsome like in the days at the university, his chest hairs; exposed, spoke to me some words. I found myself hugging him so closely – forgetting all I had planned against him.

I had been warned never to see him again. If I did, I was either bound for dismissal from my home or I was to cover my laps with my hands all through my stay in his place. He wasn’t to see any piece of my flesh. The last he saw made him lean forward with his lips poked at me when the light turned out. His fingers also found solace between my legs, creeping for the end point. I had worn double short for that was the only way he needed to be curbed. His fingers hit end and he rested against the wall, covered with sweating. I assumed his and over took him with a question ‘If I were an HIV positive lover would you still love me with your creeping fingers?’ I could see his red eyes turning white as he listened to me that once. ‘Are you HIV positive?’ he asked with a lingering curiosity. ‘I’m not saying I am but if I become would you still have your hands deep down my thighs?’ I could see him searching his minds for words. He couldn’t find much I guess, as his next act was a zip-up and he dashed out of the room.

Today, I hugged him and he was all shaky. He had hugged me before but he was now acting strange all because of my ‘status’. I was only putting my G.E (Guiding Effort) on. ‘If he wants it he should be confident enough to have the consequences crested all over him’ I murmured and left him.

Dukuma now pass me on the street whenever it was too difficult for him to take a dodge from afar without looking my direction. And today, my tiny mind is searching for him once more. Though I loved him, my zipper wouldn’t come down whenever we met and here I was, chasing him away with a false report. I do love him but he should show some love too.